You know, it’s funny how intimidating your own success can be.
While my last post hardly “went viral,” it garnered more hits in one day than any of my other posts, and over the course of a week outperformed any of my previous months of blogging. So, in my tiny little fledgling blogger world, that was pretty successful. It came time to write again, and I was like, how do I follow that?
Which is kind of a weird thing to say of yourself.
I haven’t necessarily been waiting to post until I had something that would blow your minds, but, at least if you know me personally, this might just blow your mind…
That’s right, I’m having a baby!
Not particularly noteworthy in the context of world events, but it’s pretty major in my life for a couple of reasons. First, I mean, it’s a baby and all, which is more significant to the mother than pretty much anyone else in that child’s upcoming life. Secondly, my older three kids are super close in age, so this one coming four years later is a bit of “starting over” for our family.
Mostly, though, this is a big deal because this isn’t my 4th baby. It’s my 6th.
New Year’s Day 2014, my husband and I sat up late that night and talked about the great sense of anticipation we had about the coming year. We had been feeling a build-up of spiritual tension in our lives, and we felt we were on the edge of breakthrough. We didn’t have a clear picture of what God had in store for us, but we knew it was big. We were so excited to learn what surprises the year had in store.
Surprises indeed. After 3 healthy, complication-free pregnancies between 2007 and 2011, I had 2 miscarriages in the first 6 months of 2014. I knew it to be true before I had lost a child, but I could not have understood the searing pain of loss one feels after a miscarriage, regardless of the gestational age. In the last year, I have been so broken, so angry, so ready to give up hope.
Those are my favorite scriptures, when you know how things ought to go, the way things appear to be going, BUT GOD steps in and changes the plan. He makes a way where there seems to be no way, and out of the ashes of our pain, he brings healing and joy and LIFE.
This is my story, and I invite you to follow me on the journey. Happy 2015, y’all.
“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart:
he is mine forever.” Psalm 73:26